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Category: Trump

If It’s Not About Race, It’s About Greed

I have long argued that there are just two plausible explanations for low- to middle-income whites supporting the kinds of conservative economic policies they’ve been supporting for the last few decades. The first is that they’ve bought into the myth of the welfare queen and are so opposed to letting imagined hordes of lazy brown people hold a penny of their tax dollars that they’re actually willing to turn down programs that would help their own families prosper.

The second is that they fervently want and firmly expect to be wealthy themselves one day and therefore want to ensure that when that day comes the government won’t coming creeping around with it’s grubby little hands, redistributing their hard-earned dollars downward [to hordes of imagined brown people who lacked the skill or stamina to make it up the ladder].

The second explanation (sans the parenthetical) would be rational if not for the fact that the conservative economic policies they’ve been supporting are the steel-toed boot that has long been on the neck of all working people. They are the very thing that has prevented these economic angst-laden Trump voters from getting ahead, staying ahead, or even staying afloat—let alone getting rich. (Hey, but at least they also kept brown people poor too, right?)

In other words, non-wealthy white people enabled the mega-wealthy to keep an historic amount of their money without understanding, apparently, that doing so necessarily makes it harder for non-wealthy people of all colors to get more money; their desire to eventually, hopefully, someday, maybe hoard cash has made it impossible for them to get cash to hoard.

So even if we pretend for a moment that Trump’s popularity was not driven in very large part by active and latent racism alike, we are still left with a group of voters whose real or perceived economic disenfranchisement is something they vociferously consented to until they didn’t anymore, at which point they got extremely pissed at all the wrong people and turned to a deranged demagogue and admitted serial sexual assaulter who promised to double down on the same policies.

Oh, but he also promised to kick out some brown people, make life harder for some other brown people, prevent some brown people from coming in altogether, and just generally acted as a bright orange manifestation of their collective outrage over the fact that they’re not filthy rich yet and thus can’t take advantage of the policies they were duped into supporting for all these years.

You want it to be easier to keep up or get ahead in America? Stop breaking up unions, start demanding minimum wage increases, rebuild and fortify the social safety net that protects your family when the factory closes, support stronger regulations on banks, fight to make college affordable for your kids, stop letting big Pharma and the insurance industry profit from your suffering. In other words, stop voting for Republicans. Oh, but here’s the thing: you can’t just make it easier for white people to get ahead. That’s called apartheid.

There’s just very little room for empathy here. It’s either about race or it’s about maniacally aspirational greed. Or it’s about both. None of these explanations even remotely excuses voting a manifestly insane and ignorant clown into the White House.

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The Little Boys Who Cried Bitch

Here’s something every moderately sane and/or intelligent person knows by now: Donald Trump is a uniquely dangerous candidate for President of the United States.

We’re not talking about the standard dynamic wherein each side thinks the other side’s candidate would be a terrible choice based on policy differences and partisan disdain. No, this is different. And even Republicans are starting to come around to understanding that now that they’ve heard him say “pussy,” “fuck,” “bitch,” and “tits.” (Never mind that his contempt for women and just about every other non-white male demographic you can name has been well known for ages—he crossed the line when he was caught on a hot mic using a few of the seven dirty words.)

So now we’re hearing a lot of variations on “I won’t vote for Hillary Clinton because I think she would be catastrophic for this country, but I won’t vote for Donald Trump either.” This reveals a deeper well of cowardice than it’s probably even possible to articulate, but let me just make a couple points about it.

First, grow the fuck up. Stop your insipid whining, grab yourselves by your pussies and/or balls, and make a goddamned adult decision based on the valid options in front of you. One of these two people is going to be President of the United States and you don’t get to take your toys and go home just because your party liquid-shit the bed when your wife came home while you were having meth-addled butt sex with an underage prostitute.

But I understand why they’re walking this line and that brings me to my second point: I have often said that while Democrats think Republicans are greedy, bigoted, sexist, and wrong about almost everything under the sun, Republicans think Democrats are evil. That’s partly due to the fact that a lot of them actually believe more concretely in the concept of evil because of their religious inclinations, but on a practical level it’s also just the weapon Republican operatives and politicians have chosen to carry into battle.

And so they’ve spent decades condemning Hillary Clinton (and countless other Democrats) in language that is just manifestly ridiculous. What they mean by “catastrophic” is “less-than-ideal within the normal range of political discourse and disagreement.” They’ve left no room on the good-to-apocalyptic spectrum to describe something worse than Hillary Clinton, even though they’re now tacitly acknowledging that Trump is worse than Hillary Clinton.

They’ve been bringing napalm to a game of chess. They’ve attacked her in language that makes it impossible for them to now deal honestly with the reality that their candidate is an unhinged maniac who endangers the republic while she’s just a politician they don’t care for who they must now admit is the infinitely superior choice and who must be elected to the highest office in the land.

It’s a twist on The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf. This particular little boy cried wolf every time a certain little girl came anywhere near his flock. He regarded that little bitch as a threat to his job security (she did have her eye on the position) and also he just found her to be super fucking annoying, so he tried to get the villagers to shoot her every time she came around. Fortunately, the villagers knew she was just little girl and not a wolf.

Well go figure, a goddamned wolf came along one day and ate the little boy’s fucking leg off and mangled his ugly face and already deformed genitals and now the only person left to finish off the wolf and save the boy and the flock is the little girl because the villagers are drunk and sleeping. Or some shit like that. I’ve lost the thread of the metaphor, but you get my drift…

We get it. You don’t like Hillary Clinton. Sorry, not sorry. You fucked up. You fucked up bad. Donald “Grab Em By The Pussy” Trump is your party’s nominee and standard bearer. You don’t get to pretend anymore that she’s a wolf. You get to suck it up and do whatever needs to be done to clean up the mess you created—and that means telling Americans to vote for Hillary Clinton.

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It Is Your Patriotic Duty To Humiliate Trump With Your Vote

610602226Surely you’ve taken a moment or two at some point to consider the Baby Hitler Time Travel Paradox which asks, obviously, “If you had a time machine, would you go back and murder baby Hitler?” It’s an interesting little thought experiment but also maybe a little dangerous and probably your answer ought to be “no,” because baby Hitler wasn’t guilty of anything and, also, importantly, was a baby.

If you’re going to murder baby Hitler, you should probably also take out millions of acquiescent citizens of Germany and the world who stood by and let that shit get horrifyingly out of hand. And that, I think, is really what the question is asking us to think about. Are there maybe things short of time traveling to kill babies that we can do to stamp out hatred and prevent terrible things from happening like, say, genocide?

For example, if you could go back to 1930 and, knowing then what you know now, deal a decisive and humiliating blow to the National Socialist German Worker’s Party (the Nazis) simply by lining up behind the Social Democratic Party, which stood the best chance of holding the line against Hitler, rather than wasting your vote on one of the other four niche parties—would you? That seems like a pretty easy call to me.

Or maybe, if you could only go back as far as 1932, you’d tell Thälmann and Duesterberg to fuck off in order to give von Hindenburg, whatever quibbles you might have with the man, a more decisive victory over Adolf Fucking Hitler in order to prevent him from gaining the clout he needed to be appointed chancellor?

I’d like to think I’d do that much to prevent the extermination of six million Jews.

Now look, I’m not saying Donald Trump is baby Hitler, but at the very least he’s an intellectually and emotionally stunted baby-man who, even if he’s not really the dangerous bigot he plays on TV, could very easily get a lot of people unnecessarily killed accidentally. 

Personally, I think he’s a empty vessel filling himself up with and then spouting whatever hateful nonsense will make a bunch of cranky old white men erect for the first time in decades. But he’s spouting it nonetheless and thus represents the very worst of America and humanity and is giving fresh energy to ideas that should have been taken out behind the barn and clubbed to death a long, long time ago.

If you are a person who agrees with the assessment that Donald Trump represents something simultaneously old and new, something frightening and potentially calamitous, then I’m here to tell you this:

You have a patriotic duty to humiliate this motherfucker into the dark ages with your vote. 

I would much rather be telling you why I think Hillary Clinton will make a terrific President of the United States—and I do—but that is way beside the point now. She will win and she will make a terrific President of the United States—but winning is not enough.

I don’t give care one bit what you think Clinton’s flaws are. They pale in comparison and, more importantly, they don’t represent a corresponding cesspool of aggressive hate in the electorate. We must stamp out this racist, sexist, low class, low information flame. We must crush it with the force of a hundred billion drunken make-up fucks. An America that defeats Donald Trump decisively is objectively a far better America—morally, intellectually, politically—than an America in which he comes within a hundred miles of the White House.

And no, I’m sorry, but a vote for Dumb Gary or Kooky Jill doesn’t cut it. Perception is everything: Clinton 45/Trump 43/Johnson 11/Stein 1 looks like a close shave; Clinton 60/Trump 40 looks like we resolutely rejected this big orange pile of festering hot shit and everything he claims to stand for. I would like to think we could do even better than that, but I won’t get too hopeful.

We must deal the death blow to his ego that the Republican Party couldn’t muster. We must show the fringe lunatics supporting him that they truly are the fringe. We must make it clear that this is not welcome here. We must put this rabid dog down or it will come back to bite us in the ass.

So please accept this phenomenally reasonable bargain. No time machines, no baby killing—just a vote against dangerous demagoguery before people start getting hurt.

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Cleveland Steamer

Cleveland Steamer \ˈklēv-lənd\ \ˈstē-mər\ — colloquial term for a form of coprophilia, wherein someone defecates on someone else’s chest.

We hope you enjoyed Hyperationalist’s first commissioned piece of art. We’re very happy with the the work of the artist, a gentleman who prefers not to be named because…well, because we asked him to draw a picture of an elephant shitting on Uncle Sam’s corpse.

We think the image speaks for itself.

Now please follow us on Twitter and/or like us on Facebook for more of this shit.

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Statement On The Failure Of Our Petition To Allow Open Carry At The GOP Convention

Remember that one time when Hyperationalist launched a satirical petition to allow guns at the Quicken Loans Arena during the Republican National Committee’s convention and it kind of turned into a whole thing? Here’s a little refresher:

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Anyway, the convention is upon us and while there are guns all over Cleveland, there are none in the hands of the civilians in the main convention hall. We failed. Sad!

If you’ve arrived here by any means other than the email we sent out via Change.org, here’s the official update we sent regarding the “failure” of that petition:

In spite of tremendous support from over 55,000 concerned patriots across the nation, our petition to spread freedom to Cleveland and beyond has failed.

Apparently in Crooked Hitlary Clinton’s “politically correct” libtard America, some people would rather not be surrounded by high-powered semi-automatic assault weapons with high-capacity cartridges—and so the oppressive policies of Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s regime remain in place.

We at Hyperationalist will continue to fight the good fight until all Americans are free to exercise their God-given Constitutional right to carry any kind of firearm, anywhere they want, at anytime of day or night.

All snark aside, there was no change in the policy because any idiot knows that would it would be monumentally fucking stupid to let people to carry guns into the Quicken Loans Arena under normal circumstances, like during a basketball game or a Maroon 5 concert, let alone during the 2016 Republican National Committee convention at which Donald Trump will be noinated.

But also, because the Secret Service said so.

A note regarding the Secret Service’s policy regarding guns in the convention hall: We at Hyperationalist obviously agree 100% that guns should not be allowed into the Quicken Loans Arena next week. Or the week after that. Or the week after that. Or at any time or place where people gather to shop, be entertained, eat, work, learn, play, protest, etc.

The fine public servants at the Secret Service are simply enforcing a rule that makes absolute sense in all places, at all times, because it is their job to keep people certain people safe—and banishing guns from the places where those people will be is the very best way to ensure their safety.

We think this rule is perfectly reasonable and would very much like to see such a prohibition extended to include any and all public spaces where half-cocked assholes probably shouldn’t be carrying their penis substitutes/extensions deadly weaponry in and around our friends and families and fellow citizens (the ones who are not presidential candidates and political dignitaries).

But let’s be crystal clear about one thing: for the GOP to have used the Secret Service’s prohibition as a cop out in response to the petition is utterly laughable. How many times have congressional Republicans tried to repeal Obamacare now? Fifty times? Sixty times? Isn’t it logical that if they truly disagreed with this policy, if they genuinely held the Second Amendment so dear, they would have taken at least one shot at repealing the government tyranny represented by U.S.C. Title 18 § 3056, 1752.

If “gun-free zones” really are the unconstitutional kill zones Republicans tell us they are, this would have been a perfect time to walk the walk and show us all just how committed they are to the cause of eradicating them. Instead, on this one issue, they punted. “Aw shucks, we really would like to have guns at the convention but they said we couldn’t! Nothing we can do! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.”

Let the record show that the one time they didn’t have the gumption to fight for the Second Amendment was coincidentally the one time it involved their own safety.

So obviously the petition wasn’t a failure. It sparked a brief national conversation around the hypocrisy of the NRAGOP’s position on guns—a hypocrisy that will be on full display next week as tens of thousands of anti-gunsense Republicans pack themselves into a convention hall without the metal machines of mayhem they insist the rest of us should have around us at all times.

In other words, the same Republicans who have helped the NRA and the gun manufacturers flood our country with guns, thus contributing directly to the resulting tens of thousands of gun deaths every year, will be hiding next week behind a “gun-free zone” policy that they claim to oppose, while the rest of us get to live in fear that our child will get shot in crossfire at the playground, that a drunk and abusive husband or boyfriend will get access to a gun, that a downstairs neighbor will be playing with a gun beneath a child’s bedroom, that we’ll be in the wrong place at the wrong time when an argument escalates at the grocery store, that a suicidal teenager will get his or her hands on a gun, that a heroic police officer will find himself targeted by a lunatic with a long gun, that a three-year old will find a gun and shoot himself in the face, and so on…

To this end, Hyperationalist will be monitoring the number and circumstances of gun deaths that occur all across the country between the opening and closing gavels of the convention. We will post a running tally, updated daily, of the roughly 400 Americans who are likely to die by gun while The Grand Old Party is safely tucked away in the gun-free Quicken Loans Arena

Of course, the rest of Cleveland is not a “gun-free zone,” leaving city officials concerned about the various individuals and activist groups who have promised to be loud and proud, carrying their viagra alternatives stupid fucking murder toys in and around the convention zone, blatantly ignoring the pleas of law enforcement officials even in the wake of Dallas.

Stephen Loomis, president of the Cleveland Police Patrolmen’s Association, said he strongly supported citizens’ rights to bear arms, but he is urging people not to take their guns anywhere near Cleveland’s downtown during the convention.

“The last thing in the world we need is anybody walking around here with AR-15s strapped to their back,” he said. “And the absolute tragedy in Dallas is proof positive that we just cannot allow that to happen. I would really just beg these folks, just leave your guns at home. Come, say whatever it is that you want to say, make whatever point it is that you want to make, but it’s going to be very, very difficult to deal with the R.N.C. as it is.”

The gobsmacking contradiction the petition sought to highlight is fully captured in Mr. Loomis’s brief statement. “Sure, everyone should be able to carry guns around, but just not here, please.”

Why, Mr. Loomis? Why not there specifically? And if not there, why anywhere else? Could it be that open carry is just a bad idea everywhere? Could it be that the same advice you’re offering to save the lives of cops might, if applied at all times and everywhere, help save the lives of cops, teachers, kids, firewo/men, pizza delivery guys, doctors, janitors, lawyers, churchgoers, etc.?

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Literally Everything Donald Trump Says About Orlando Is Fucking Wrong

First, there was the tweet that was reviled around the world:

Trump is insinuating that his call for a ban on Muslims entering the United States was prescient and could have prevented the attack. Given that the shooter was born in the United States 29 years ago, it is difficult to see how a 2016 ban on Muslims entering the United States could have prevented an attack that occurred two days ago. Unless Trump has a time machine, this is fucking wrong.

But also, he’s fucking wrong about the genesis of the shooter’s hate. It is becoming increasingly clear that Mateen was a closeted homosexual who hated himself so much that he needed to kill dozens of happy, un-closeted homosexuals on his way out of a life he couldn’t bear. Yes, he turned to the extreme voices in his religion for justification, as many Christians and Muslims have done before him. Unless Trump can show that anti-gay sentiment wasn’t the prime motivator here, it doesn’t matter what religion the guy subscribed to and Trump is fucking wrong.

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Donald Trump with NRA Executive Director Chris Cox and Executive Vice President Wayne Lapierre.

“If you had some guns in that club the night that this took place,” Trump said, “if you had guns on the other side, you wouldn’t have had the tragedy that you had.”

The problem with this is that Pulse is a nightclub where alcoholic beverages are served and consumed into the wee hours of the morning. In Florida, as in most states, it is illegal to have guns in such establishments. Unless Trump is advocating a change in the laws concerning guns and booze, this is fucking wrong. 

Finally, Trump insinuated that President Barack Obama might be a Trojan Horse who was in on the massacre, stringing together the following sentiments in a Fox “News” interview this morning:

[Obama] doesn’t get it—or he gets it better than anyone understands. It’s one or the other and either one is unacceptable…

This is a mentality, this is a state, and you have thousands of shooters like this with the same mentality out there in this country and we’re bringing thousands and thousands of them back into the country..This could be the all-time great Trojan Horse…

We’re led by a man that either is not tough, not smart or he’s got something else in mind—and the something else in mind.

Yes, Donald, Barack Obama came here as a brainwashed child from Kenya for the sole purpose of ascending to the presidency so that, in his last year of office, he could somehow conspire to kill scores of homosexuals with one closet-case loser who was able to purchase an AR-15 last week despite having been investigated twice by the FBI for “possible links to terrorism.” Unless Trump has evidence that Barack Obama is a secret Muslim terrorist and/or that the shooter’s access to guns isn’t a more likely explanation, this is fucking wrong. 

Also, the Big Orange Man has failed to mention James Wesley Howell, the white man who was found near the Los Angeles Pride Festival, “sitting in a car registered in Indiana and a search turned up three assault rifles, high-capacity magazines, ammunition and a 5-gallon bucket with chemicals that could be used to create an explosive device,” according to CNN.

Sure, Howell didn’t end up killing anyone, but it sure looks like he wanted to—and given the temporal proximity of his arrest to the massacre in Orlando, one would think that maybe it would be important to discussing the parallels between homegrown hate and what Trump perceives as foreign hate (even though he’s fucking wrong about that). He’d rather paint Barack Obama as foreign than face the reality of domestic terror.

James Wesley Howell doesn’t fit into the Narrative of the Other that Trump is pushing. We don’t yet know Howell’s motive, but from the color of his skin we can guess that it was not related to Islam and so Trump doesn’t feel the need to address another incident in which homosexuals appear to have been targeted. But what will he say if a white person shoots up another bunch of gays, or another abortion clinic, or a mosque full of praying Muslims? Trump’s failure to talk about James Wesley Howell is fucking wrong. 

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