I am very, very good at not reading the comments. At some early stage in my internet life, I caught a glimpse of that subterranean realm and knew that it was no place for for me. It’s not the negativity; that I can handle. It’s the special kind of sadness involved in shouting at complete strangers over online posts that you clearly went looking for just so you could shout at complete strangers because…well, I don’t know…because you drink too much or you can’t get it up or whatever.
Having said that, I had never been the host of any forum that had enough of an audience to attract the nutcases, so it was never my responsibility to read the comments. Suffice to say, my audience has grown in recent months and it is now arguably incumbent upon me to at least see what’s going on down there.
I recently wrote a post about the 50 United States Senators who voted against expanded background checks in the wake of the San Bernadino massacre—a vote that has direct bearing on the Orlando massacre. I was surprised and naturally pleased by the attention it received: to date, it has nearly 200,000 pageviews and over 61,000 ‘likes.’
But—and I’m quite sure this is the case any time a piece of internet content reaches anything resembling critical mass—it also brought out the whackjobs. I felt morally obliged to skim their musings.
I’d like to share a brief highlight reel with you and ask you to bear in mind one simple though as you peruse: these people have guns.
GUY #1: Fuck your anti-gun bullshit you communist traitors. You people are fucking pathetic, lying, brainwashed retards. GUNS AREN’T THE FUCKING PROBLEM PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND CRIMINALS ARE THE PROBLEM! THE DAMN NRA DIDN’T MURDER 50 PEOPLE A GAY MUSLIM FUCKING DEMOCRAT MURDERED THEM. A SICK PSYCHOTIC MAN WHO BEAT HIS WIFE AND IS CONNECTED THROUGH HIS FATHER TO OBAMA, HILLARY AND COUNTLESS SENATORS AND CONGRESSMAN. THIS MAN WAS ONE OF YOU. HE OBTAINED HIS WEAPONS LEGALLY EVEN THOUGH HE WAS QUESTIONED BY THE FBI 3 TIMES. WHY? BECAUSE HE WAS ALLOWED TO BUY THEM BY THE CORRUPT DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE AND THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION. JUST LIKE THEY ARE ALLOWING TERRORISTS TO INFILTRATE THIS COUNTRY WITH “REFUGEES” THEY ARE ALLOWING TERRORISTS TO BUY WEAPONS SO THEN THEY CAN TURN AROUND AND BLAME THE WEAPONS AND GET FUCKTARDS LIKE YOU PEOPLE TO GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS AND SUPPORT THEIR TYRANNICAL AGENDA. YOU PEOPLE ARE WORTHLESS FUCKING TRAITOROUS RATS.
GUY #2: Jeez, need a tissue for those tears?, I think you need to get off the computer for a bit
GUY #1: Shut the fuck up you little commie cunt.
GUY #3: I hope you get hit by a car, traitor!
GUY #4: And use a drilldo to go fuck yourselves
GUY #3: Not the drilldo Jesse Kellett! Oh thats bad. Its apparent though that these liberals are already using it. As you know the more they use it, the more the muscles get relaxed… These liberals have crap coming out of both ends…
Look, I say some pretty outrageous things here at Hyperationalist; I am not arguing for elevation of the discourse, whatever the merits of that particular argument may be. All I’m saying is that those people up there? They have guns.
And it’s not as though I went on their walls and started a fight. They found my post, clicked on it and proceeded to unload this bile because they’re very, very angry about the whole thing. Very angry. Like, maybe a little bit unstable—and I have no doubt that these are relatively tame representations of the genre.
These people have guns and they want more guns and they have things to say about that and they’re ready to fight:
WOMAN #2: 318 million people in the US owning an estimated 270 million legal firearms…. Those are just the firearms that are registered! I don’t know about you, but I like our odds waaaaaaay better than I like yours (I’m a gun owner) in the gun control fight. Who will be dumb enough to help with confiscation? 85-90% of our military and their families are legal gun owners…. Over half of them will defend us against the government (and it will be legal for them to do so) …. The UN can’t because no foreign military can step foot here legally to do anything other than train, and even if they did they are still vastly outnumbered by those who will fight back to retain our rights. You’re talking about an open civil war right here in America… Are you really ready for that?
These people have guns. They’re worried about terrorists. I’m worried about them.
Now, please come ‘Like’ Hyperationalist—the page that brought you the satirical petition to allow guns at the GOP convention—on Facebook for more anti-gun, pro-reason content.